Fated To The Alpha by Jessica Hall Chapter 84
Waking, I sit up to see Ezra, and our room making me wonder if it was all some sick dream my mind conjured up to torture me with, another vision of a time to come.
“My mum?” I ask him, praying he would be confused and not know what I am talking about, that it was in fact just a dream, yet he just stares, his eyes softening like he didn’t know what to say.
‘She is gone Kat, it wasn’t a dream, I wish it was’ Kora wails in my head, her soul crushing pain, making me feel it in every fibre of my being, she was dead.
I never pictured my life without my mother in it, who does. You don’t think of someone who raised you, who was the strongest figure in your life, the one that holds the most influence in who you become as gone. My mother was my biggest supporter, my biggest critic but she was mine. Nothing measures up to the pain that comes with losing a mother especially when she gave her life for yours. Inconsolable pain, soul shattering, destroying pain is what it feels like when you realise the woman that was always there would no longer be.
Then there was my father, if I felt like this I would hate to know what it feels like to him, to lose a mate. Your other half, a piece of yourself, yet he lost it twice and all because he loved me. I am my father’s destruction, that I know will always be mine to bear, my life not only once took everything from him, first my real mother, then the woman who raised me. My life seems to cost everyone theirs all for some curse bestowed by a Moon Goddess who was supposed to love us, though she condemned me to a life of misery and watching those i love die around me. Anger was not a strong enough word for how much I hated my existence because without it she would still be here.
“Your father is staying in one of the guest rooms” Ezra says, making me focus back on him. I nod climbing off him, exactly how does someone tell their own father I’m sorry for being the reason your soulmate is dead. I couldn’t face him not now.
“Kat?” Ezra says as I sit on the end of the bed, this could have been avoided if they let me heal her, they all stood and watched, watched her turn grey, watched her die for me and not one of them let me help her when they knew I could.
‘We can’t save everyone Kat, not without suffering the consequences, the consequences for her life would have been ours’ Kora says.
‘We don’t know that and now we will never know,” I told her.
‘I know it wasn’t a risk they were willing to take Kat, not even your father was willing to trade her life for yours, mum wouldn’t, she would hate us if we tried and died for her. I see that now, you just need to too’ Kora says.
Now what, what happens now we just move on like she never existed, I couldn’t fathom going on without her, not without hearing her voice, feel the softness of her hands and the warmth of her hugs. How does one survive without that?
‘We have them, we have dad that’s how’ Kora says yet her words don’t make me feel any better.
‘Stay out of my head Kora’
‘Bit hard when I live in it’ She retorts becoming annoyed with me, I was annoyed at her too.
Ezra grabs my hand and I pull away from him, not because I didn’t want him touching me, but because I knew if he did I would break, I would rather the feeling of being numb then the floodworks, least then I don’t have to feel anything at all and can live in my own misery and deal on my own as long as they don’t touch me.
“Where did dad take her?” I ask.
“The morgue, but I can’t let you go there Kat”
“I know that, I was just asking Ezra” I told him before getting up and walking to the bathroom. I was still naked from shifting and I could smell blood all over me and it was beginning to make my skin itch as it stained me. Ezra comes in just as I step in the shower sitting on the sink basin and staring at me.
“You don’t need to linger, just go do whatever you need to do” I tell him.
“I’m not mad at you just go away”
“You know that isn’t going to happen so why bother asking, you’re my mate kat. I am not going to just leave you”
“Why, do you want to pretend you actually liked her, bet Maddox is glad he got what he wanted, what you both wanted only difference is he isn’t afraid to admit it, you don’t have to play nice because she is my mum Ezra and it is insulting that you would try, so just leave me be”
“I don’t hate your mother Kat”
“Why because she is dead, because you hated her a week ago you don’t have to pretend to give a Sh*t” I tell him, rinsing my hair, congealed blood plopping on the ground before dissolving and washing down the drain.
“You have every right to be angry Kat, but that doesn’t give you a right to be a b*tch” Ezra says before walking out.
‘That was uncalled for Kat and you know it’ Kora says.
‘Maybe so but it was the truth’ I tell her, grabbing the soap. I showered not wanting to get out, like I could wash away the emotion that is solely her. Trying to build the courage to check on my father. Hopping out of the shower I grab a towel wrapping it around me before walking into the walk in and grabbing some pajamas, I could see it was dark outside coming back out and Ezra walks in with Mateo.
“Which room is my father in?” I ask them.
“Third door” Mateo answers looking down the hall. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and walking down the hall and I could smell his scent seeping from the crack under the door, opening the door all I could smell was the saltiness of his tears. He was asleep on the bed and it was strange seeing my father, looking so broken. He was curled up under the blanket yet even asleep he still reeked of his despair which was no doubt haunting his dreams too. I pulled the blanket back climbing in behind him and draped my arm over his waist when I felt him move before grabbing my hand in his.
“Hey Pumpkin” he whispers before I feel his body shake, seeing him break and come apart at the seams, destroying the last piece of hope I had that he would survive this a second time. Kora cried in my head at his anguish, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, just hold him like he could somehow put the pieces of himself back together without her.
I knew her pain, lived it twice and honestly never gets easier when you realise everything they will miss, certain days that represent them, birthdays, mothers day, holidays the things they were always there for suddenly feel empty and pointless without them.
We waited for her to come out of the room, yet hours passed and after awhile Ezra felt her fall asleep.
“We should probably organise funeral arrangements tomorrow” Ezra tells me and I nod.
“She might want to help” I tell him and he nods, neither of us had how our mothers, we both lost ours while young and now my biological mother was more a distant memory. From what I do remember of her I know she never wanted me, not me in particular just children in general that much was clear. I was just to continue the bloodline, my father wanted me, he was a good man and never spared an opportunity to be with me and Ezra considering we were joined at the hip. Andrea, my adoptive mother, she was my real mother, she loved unconditionally despite my many flaws and despite the fact I wasn’t hers, she was a real mother and the true definition of what a mother is.
We had been listening to the late night news for what felt like hours now as we waited for her to come out. Hearing the door click we both looked down the hall thinking it would be Kat, only it was her fathers scent that wafted to us.
Getting up, I go to check on him and he stops when he catches sight of me looking up before looking back at the door to where Kat was. I feel Ezra walk up behind me and Derrick’s eyes go to him over my shoulder.
“I can’t, I’m sorry but I can’t be here, take care of my daughter” He says confusing me when he moves, turning for the stairs.
“Wait” I tell him, grabbing his arm.
“I’m sorry, I thought I could but I can’t stay here, not without Shirley” He says tears streaking his face.
“But she is your daughter” I tell him knowing Kat would not handle this very well.
“You can’t just leave” Ezra says, stepping around me when Derrick squares up looking Ezra in the eyes. He was destroyed but I still couldn’t believe he would abandon her like this.
“I Derrick Hartley denounce my loyalty to Alpha Ezra Pierce and hereby declare myself rogue” He says before swallowing and I look at Ezra, his jaw clenched tight as Maddox flickered to the surface, his fist balled as his body trembled.
“Maddox it’s her father” I tell him, squeezing his arm and he presses his lips in a line before Maddox finally speaks.
“Come back, don’t leave her on her own” He says though I could tell he wanted to rip him apart for what he was doing.
“She isn’t alone, she has both of you” Derrick says before turning on his heel and walking down the stairs the moment he stepped out of the packhouse, his scent was picked up by our patrollers.
“Rogue” says Alex voice through the mindlink and Ezra’s body shakes violently.
“It’s kat’s father let him pass, make sure he gets off safely” I mindlink.
“Yes Beta” Alex replies.
Maddox still had control of Ezra and I knew he would be struggling to get back control from him after. His eyes trained on the stairs where Derrick just took off from. Walking down the hall, I open the bedroom door to see Kat asleep on the bed before scooping her up, Maddox comes to the door as I walk out and I pass her to him but he shakes his head.
“I need to go for a run, I can’t be around her like this” He says and I nod.
“Want me to come?” I ask him, I couldn’t even reach Ezra, Maddox completely shoving him out which made me a little uneasy considering I have his mate in my arms when she suddenly sniffs the air. “Mateo?” she whispers and Maddox steps closer to her gently brushing my cheek.
“Go back to sleep Kitty, Ezra will be home soon” he says before nodding to me. He leaves and I carry her back to her room placing her on the bed. The sun was beginning to come up out the window, and in a few hours we would have to deal with Madeline who was down in the basement. Ezra didn’t want to do anything until Kat decided what she wanted to do with her and I agree, if anyone has the right for revenge Kat does, killing her wasn’t our place unless she asked us to.
Yawning I close my eyes before feeling her wriggle over in her sleep, I grab Ezra’s pillow propping it next to her so she has his scent when she suddenly rolls into me instead and snuggles under my arm.