Fated To The Alpha by Jessica Hall Chapter 208
Squinting at the bright light filtering in through the window, I rub my eyes, and a shiver runs up my spine as the tingling sensation from the mate bond ripples through me. I could feel Andrei hovering over the top of me, his tongue running across my ribs to the side of my breast. My back arched at the sensation as his hot tongue moved across my body, his fingers pressing against my skin firmly as he maneuvered me.
When his hand grips my elbow, I watch, amused; he forces my arm above my head. His tongue ran across the inside of my arm from my elbow to just below my armpit. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to get his attention as he hadn’t seemed to realize I was awake now. My fingers run through his thick locks, and he jumps, confirming my assumption that he hadn’t realized I was awake.
His voice could not be confused for anything other than Donnie’s. His voice was raspier and deeper than Andrei’s as he pulled back, looking down at me; his knee pressing between my thighs against my aching core made me hiss.
“You’re awake. Sorry I was trying to be gentle,” He growls, his blackened eyes watching me, while his hands gently caress my skin, patting me like I am his pet.
“Morning, Donnie, ” I hissed while trying to sit up, but Donnie wouldn’t move as he hovered above me, his body pressing mine back down into the bed. Every muscle aches, and I am aware of the moist feeling of the sheets under me, and the scent of blood in the air.
“Lay down, ” he purrs, and I groan but do as he asks, loving the rumble vibrating from his chest.
Donnie continued fussing and petting my hair after a while. I knew I had to get up, and I tried to roll to get out from under him. The once white sheets are a deep shade of pink and dark red.
“I have to get Jonah, ” I tell him, but he shakes his head, pushing my shoulder back down and not allowing me to get up.
“You should rest, ” He says, and my brows bunch together at his insistence.
“Where is Andrei? Did you block him out?” I ask Donnie, but he shakes his head before dipping his face into my neck. Andrei’s stubble scratching against my skin makes me hiss and shiver. My skin is burning and tingling at the same time when I feel Donnie’s tongue run up my neck to my chin and shut my eyes, just giving in and letting him do whatever the heck he is doing—trying not to think of the throbbing in my core every time he pressed against me. I was sore, everything sore and stinging.
“Better?” Donnie mumbles against my lips before licking them. I chuckle at his odd behavior.
“Yes, so you can stop licking me now,” I tell him, wanting to find Jonah. Sierra was sluggish as she pressed forward to peer out my eyes, before she growled, annoyed at something.
“Ah, he is still trying to heal us; he bloody makes me feel weaker exerting his energy. We are bloody fine, ” Sierra growls in my head. I sigh, pushing Andrei’s face away and Sierra wanders off where I couldn’t reach her to rest.
Donnie kisses the inside of my palm when I try to push his face away again. “Bring Andrei back, Donnie; Sierra wants you to stop. You’re making her tired, ” I tell him, and he whines, making me shake my head; seeing Andrei act like a puppy more than a human was rather entertaining, he exhales before pecking my lips quickly, and I watch as his eyes fade from the black abyss to Andrei’s hypnotic gaze. His entire body shudders, making me wonder how long Donnie has had control.
“Morning, Love, ” He says, pushing his arm under my waist and rolling off me onto his back. Andrei pulls me on top of him, his arm remaining draped across my lower back.
“Donnie, lock you out,” I ask him, sitting up and making his arm fall off my back as I straddle him.
He lifts his head and places his arm behind his head as he stares up at me. “No, I gave him control; you were pretty banged up.”
Looking down, I take in the bloodstained sheets. ” If it makes you feel any better, half of it’s mine,” He says, and I look down at him, finally noticing the scars that littered his chest and arms. Were they from me? Andrei chuckles at the horrified look on my face, and my face flushes at what I did to him.
” Stop, I am fine. I wasn’t complaining, but Donnie healing you, stopped my healing. I am fine, and I don’t mind wearing your marks,” He says, running his hand up my thigh.
“Though you may be sore for a few days, ” He says, and I notice the purple blotches covering my skin; I could see complete outlines of his hands on my thighs, making me lift my arms to examine them. I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Hey, you demanded harder. I gave you harder, don’t blame me,” Andrei says with a cheeky grin; I roll my eyes at him.
“With Malik, Zane dropped him to Malik this morning. I already checked in with him”
Yawning, I nod before laying back down and resting my head on his chest. His fingers gently trail up my spine while I enjoy his warmth and the deep purr vibrating from his chest, he seemed to be in a good mood despite being exhausted, and I revel in his closeness, feeling content.
“Your scent has changed, ” Andrei murmurs, making me lift my head to stare up at him. I could smell no changes in my scent.
“Well, I can’t smell anything besides blood, sex, and you,” I tell him.
“Donnie noticed it. That’s why he was trying to heal you, just in case he is right, he was also scenting you because he is a possessive bastard” Andrei laughs, and I slap his arm, but he shrugs.
“So, Donnie mistook it for real heat? Not a phantom one? ” I ask. I knew deep down I had no chances of having kids. I had no ovaries, so it was impossible ; I knew that, Andrei knew that.
Doc said I could have phantom heat’s; especially now that we have Jonah, but they wouldn’t be the real thing, just a coping mechanism of my wolf side not being able to have pups. I felt like an idiot even asking because I knew it wasn’t possible, yet his words made me hope for some miracle, but I think I hit my quota on blessings and wishes coining true. I couldn’t ask for more than I have, I have everything I could hope for, and that was freedom to live, my mate and Jonah.
Andrei didn’t say anything for a few moments, and I could feel his apprehension before he finally spoke.
“I shouldn’t have said anything, ” He says, kissing my forehead.
“But Donnie believes you were in an actual heat, and I have to agree with him” I looked up at him, not wanting to get my hopes up, knowing it was unimaginable.
“I think Kat healed more than your scars, Sage” I shake my head. It is one thing healing scars and burns but replacing organs; it was almost laughable. Andrei grips my face in his hands.
“I wouldn’t believe it either, but she healed you, love. You were putting out pheromones. You shouldn’t be able to do that if it was phantom, but you did. Your scent has changed because Kat has replaced something that was missing, something I couldn’t sense before but can now because even though you are not in heat now, it has changed your scent. You smell fertile.”
“That’s not funny, Andrei. And you don’t joke about things like that; you don’t say shit like that and give me false hope. I learned to live with knowing I can’t have children. Don’t give me some bullshit that it suddenly changed, only to find out later you have to take those words back, just because you can’t live with the disappointment of never having something you desperately wanted” My eyes burn as tears blur my vision, why would he say that?
I know it is something I should be able to give you, but it will never happen,” I tell him, pushing off his chest and climbing off him.
“Sage! “ Andrei sighs, but I ignore him.
“Donnie wouldn’t have reacted that way unless- “
“No, I don’t want to hear it; Doc said I could have phantom heats, that is all this is, now drop it,” I tell him before walking off into the bathroom to shower so I can go get our son and bring him home.
I shouldn’t have said anything, and I know that is something Sage worried about most, what she was most insecure about when it came to being an Alpha’s mate. She didn’t feel worthy to be Luna because she couldn’t provide an heir. Sage needed to realize I already had one, Jonah, and nothing would change that even if she carried my pups, he was as much ours as any blood -born child would be, just like I was Anthony’s.
Jonah would become Alpha, and even if we didn’t have Jonah, and if Donnie is wrong and it is phantom. I would have handed it down to someone else like Casen or Vince, so why she felt that way was beyond me.
Her being infertile never once crossed my mind as a reason to reject her, nothing did and that would never change. I didn’t want her for her ability to give me an heir. I wanted her; it didn’t matter if she could carry my pups, she is mine, and nothing would change that.
“It was real; we didn’t imagine it,” Donnie says to me as she shuts the bathroom door; I hear the lock slip in place and decide to let her calm down instead of arguing with her and beating the door down. I know until she realizes herself, nothing I say would change her mind about believing me. “I know, ” I tell him.
“Sierra thinks it’s a phantom heat too, but I know it wasn’t; I know her scent, I know our mate Andrei, she is with pup now.”
“I guess we will find out in a couple of weeks or when Sierra suddenly can’t shift” he nods in agreement, but I could feel the excitement of him bleeding into me.
Despite what Sage believes, I would know her scent anywhere. It changed and became more intoxicating, sweeter than I realized, making me understand that Kat had done the impossible; she took all Sage’s broken pieces and put them back together making her whole again. The events will permanently scar sage’s mind. However, the physical side was no longer a reminder when she looked in the mirror.
To live the horrors she did and come out the other side with the inner strength she has, the capacity to still love and be loved amazed me. And she was mine, I could weather any storin with her by my side because she wouldn’t let me drown.
Sage taught me more than I thought I needed to know, that what happens to us doesn’t define us unless we let it. What others do to us is never a reflection of who we are but those that did it. She makes me want to live again ; Sage gives me hope; she is my redemption, and I will aim to be worthy of her every day. She has no idea what she means to this pack, means to me, and it will always be more than she could ever fathom. She saved us, and she gave my pack back their ability to move on, to forgive ourselves for what we had no control over.
My men and I blamed ourselves for not getting back in time to save our loved ones. Sage showed them it was ok to let go and live, that it was possible to move on and leave the past where it belonged, in the past.
Not forgotten but forgiven, the blame and conviction had no place in our futures, so we shouldn’t let it dictate our lives or live in its shadow; our destinies are for us to determine, not the past.
Sage showed me I could forgive myself for not saving Angie and my pack because the blame was not on me. It was the actions of others, and I would no longer take fault for those actions, so I forgive them for what they did and what they took from us, not because they deserve forgiveness, not for them, but for myself to move on, I had no place left for hate.
Forgiveness is the key to moving on, not dwelling on a past I am no longer living.
Jonah and Sage are the only future I need. No matter what happens, all I need is them to keep getting up, keep trying to earn forgiveness for my sins. The ones I made after losing my pack. The dreadful things I did to the rogues. I see it for what it was now; I am the monster of someone else’s past now, and mine no longer haunts me, but I need redemption for my sins, and Sage gave me hope that redemption is possible.
And that is the reason I will never forget where Sage came from because she had come a long way, and I needed the reminder that we could live again despite our past. Sage believed they defeated her, but after surviving the horrors of her past, they never broke her.
Sage made herself a warrior and took her life back. She is the most remarkable person I know, and she proved strength was never physical. Real strength shows through a person’s character. Sage feels deeply and loves fiercely, her tears flow just as freely as her laughter, and she is a soft, yet strong and inspiring, pure-hearted woman, she more than deserves her place in our pack. She is my mate, and she is Luna, she is mine.
I got up and knocked on the bathroom door; I could hear the shower running still, feel that Sage was still upset; she thinks I gave her false hope, but that was never my intention. I just wanted to point out what Donnie and I know.
“I am going to retrieve Jonah. I will be back soon, ok?
I tell her, she doesn’t reply, but I leave her be, knowing she needs time to herself.
Grabbing some clothes from the walk-in, I walk back into the room and put some jeans on before pulling on my tank top. Hearing the water shut off, I listen for a few seconds and hear Sage sniffle, my heart sinking. She would see, she would see we are right, I remind myself.
Sighing, I walk out of the room and down the stairs. I just needed to grab our son, I had missed him the last couple of days, and I know Jonah could always bring Sage out of the dark places she sometimes slipped back to. If I couldn’t, he always could.
I didn’t even get a chance to knock on Malik’s door before it was thrown open and Jonah smashed against my legs, his little arms wrapping securely around them as he squeezed tight.
“Dad! Dad, Dad, ” he bounces excitedly on the balls of his feet, and I reach down to grab him under the arms, lifting him into the air and placing him on my hip. Malik walks to the door looking exhausted but otherwise happy. “All morning he has sat by the
front window, waiting for you or Sage to pick him up, ” Malik says before he ruffles Jonah’s hair. I kiss Jonah’s cheek, and he smiles happily.
“Where is mum?” He asks, looking over my shoulder at the packhouse.
“At home waiting for you, ” I tell him.
Malik yawns loudly, covering his mouth with his hand before stretching. “Alright, Kiddo. I need some sleep. I have patrols tonight.” Maliks tells him.
“I can take your patrol, ” I tell him, feeling bad that he is exhausted and has been helping Zane with the pack for days.
“I’m fine, it’s just the heat berries, now that Sage is out of the heat, and I don’t need to keep eating the crap, I will nap and be good as new”
“Can I ask you something?” I ask Malik, and I look at Jonah in my arms. ” Quick, rush home, and go find mum,” I tell Jonah, placing him on the ground. He giggles, rushing off toward the packhouse and I wait to see him run through the open door before
turning back to Zane.
“Yeah, what’s up?” Malik says just as Casen wanders out the front and onto the porch. “Oi, no eavesdropping,” Malik scolds him.
“No, he is fine. Better two opinions than one,” I tell Malik, and Casen smirks at him while Malik scoffs at his cockiness.
“Sage’s heat— “
“Bloody lasted days, tell her thanks for three days of blue balls, gave Ms Palmer a workout, practically rubbed the skin off it,” Casen says, not letting me finish, but he just answered my question for me.
“So you could sense it, so it was a real heat from what you could tell?”
“Yeah, it was real. Strong too, like a first heat, I suppose it was, but still, even with the Jam, we
had to remain inside, only the mated have been able to leave the house, Zane is exhausted, even previously mated like me were affected by her scent.” Malik says, rubbing a hand down his face. “Why are you asking?” Malik asks.
“Sage believes its phantom; I tried to tell her it wasn’t, that she is fertile. Donnie thinks she is with pup now”
“Wait, hang on, Sage can’t have kids, ” Casen states.
” Exactly, ” I tell him, and he seems to ponder that.
“Unless a certain Moon Goddess healed her, ” Malik smiles, and so do I.
“Well, I need to get back; I want to check on Sage and play with Jonah.”
” Look at you all domesticated, ” Casen taunts, and Malik smacks him up the back of the head. I chuckle, shaking my head and walking down the few steps to the grass.
“I will be sure to tell your Luna, you spent three days wanking over her,” I called out to Casen. He growls, making me look back at him.
“You wouldn’t, ” he snarls, glaring at him, and I smile. Malik chuckles beside him, nudging him with his elbow, and I turn back, heading home.