Fated To The Alpha by Jessica Hall Chapter 200
After everyone left I made more coffee and we sat out the back talking. Nora came over feeling a bit lonely without Zane and her siblings were too busy playing their video games. We watched the kids play and Marabella eventually fell asleep on the picnic rug and kat went and laid her down inside while we watched Kyan and Jonah sword fight with some twigs they found while running around the backyard and along the treeline before Mateo called them over, not liking them that close to the forest edge.
“We can always go out the front, the kids can climb the willow tree and it is shadier for them to play” I tell Mateo and he nods, before scooping up Eziah who was ripping out handfuls of grass.
“Come on boys” Mateo calls out to them, waving them over. They stop what they are doing and race over to us skidding to a stop on the grass in front of me.
“Where has Ella gone?” Kyan asks, looking around.
“Ella?” I ask.
“Marabella, ” He says.
“She is sleeping, ” Mateo tells him.
“Come on, you both should get a drink, your little faces are so red” I tell them walking inside with them. I make them a drink of cordial each before washing their faces with a wet cloth to try to cool them down.
“Want to climb the willow tree?” I ask them and they rush toward the front of the house. Following them, I couldn’t see them. I was looking up the stairs when I heard hushed voices making me look in the living room to find Kat watching Marabella sleep in her fold out bed. Jonah and Kyan staring down at her.
“Why does she make that face?” Jonah asks at Marabella’s quivering lip as she sleeps.
“She can hear them?” Kyan says, reaching his hand out toward her.
“Boys, come on. Let her sleep ” I whisper to them when Kyan reaches down touching her cheek, black mist rushes up his arm and his eyes turn black. The sight sends goosebumps up my arms and the room feels electrified when he suddenly pulls his hand back.
“There, all better now” Kyan says. “What did you do?” Kat asks him.
“Took it from her, they were scaring her” “What were?” Kat asks, looking at me.
“The shadows, come on, I want to climb this tree” Kyan says before pecking Marabella’s head.
“Sweet dreams, Ella” He says before grabbing Jonah’s arm and tugging him past me to the front door.
“What was that about?” Mateo asks, watching the boys run out the front door.
“Marabella must have been having a nightmare, Kyan took it from her” I tell him.
“Yeah that kid does some spooky things”
“So does our daughter, ” Kat says with a soft laugh.
“ I think he is sweet” I tell them and they both nod.
“Yes, he seems like a good kid, ” Mateo says before following them outside.
“Are you coming out with us?” I ask Kat.
“ I will wait for a bit to make sure she is alright,”
Kat says looking down at Marabella.
“Is everything alright, you seem distracted?” I ask her when Mateo and Nora walk out the front door.
“Yeah, I am. I have a lot going on with the Moon Goddess dying, the Packs. My kids, everything feels like it becoming too much”
“What about your mates, have you told them? I sensed some tension between you and Ezra”
“Yeah we are fine, Ezra worries, he thinks I am taking on too much, Mateo he is great and good with the kids. Honestly I feel like a shit mum. I feel like all I do is work and when I am not working, I a m exhausted or so stressed I am cranky”
“Have you told them this?” I ask her and she shakes her head.
“Because there are some things I can’t speak about, there will be consequences if I do, it could change things and make them worse”
“Ok, so what worries you most then?”
“My kids, becoming the Moon Goddess. Going back to when I first met Ezra, I never would have predicted how much my life would change, not that I hate it, they are great but sometimes I think I grew up too fast” She lets out a breath.
“ Before I was just trying to go unnoticed and now everything I do is criticized and judged, there is no hanging out with friends, no social life, no time for anything anymore. I didn’t think it would be this hard” She says looking down at Marabella. I walk around the couch and sit on it.
“What’s hard, you can tell me. I won’t say anything to your mates Kat” I tell her and she chews her bottom lip sucking it into her mouth before looking at the ceiling.
“ I feel like an imposter , I don’t know who I am anymore. Everyone expects so much of me and I don’t know if I can live up to their expectations. I feel like I am failing everything and everyone” She says, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.
“ I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t this.
When I found out I was pregnant. I had unrealistic expectations of what it would be like to have children, unrealistic ideas on what it would be like to become Luna, everything I thought my life would be was wrong. But I get it now, I was so angry at her for lying to me, for so long that’s all I could see was that betrayal, even with dad. He kept what I was from me, so many secrets but I get it now. I know they did it to protect me and having my own kids and knowing what I know I want to protect them from it too, I get it. I get why they lied. I am the same”
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“I mean that the secrets we keep trying to protect those we love eat at you, and make you question whether you are hurting them more by keeping it from them, but when you know the consequences of telling them, you risk losing them. I get it now, I just wished I realised it sooner. I spent so long angry at her, angry at everyone that I forgot for a second how much I loved her, what she sacrificed for me, who she was. Same with dad, he left me and I hated that he did, but after mum died. I realised I only hurt myself by being angry at them, you never know when the day will come when you have to say goodbye to them” She says before sniffling and wiping her nose.
“Have you said this to Ezra or Mateo?” She shakes her head.
“They don’t get it. Ezra and Maddox hated my mother even now, he doesn’t understand how I forgave her, he is thankful for what she did, but he never forgave her. Mateo understands but still I put too much pressure on him with the kids, I don’t need to burden him with me being a cry baby” She says tugging at the thin blanket to throw over Marabella as she rolls on her side.
“Gosh I miss her, she was a tough woman, she would have kicked my ass, literally, for moping about and told me to get my shit together but that’s ok because she would be there to catch me when I fall. Now I have to catch myself and everyone else and not being able to tell Ezra and Mateo certain things, it is so lonely” She whispers the last words. Closing her eyes and rubbing her temples like she had a headache before opening her eyes to look at me, I could see her pain, she wore it so plainly, I was surprised no one else could see it.
“I have lost the image of who I thought I was and who I thought I would be and now looking at everything that has happened, I realise I am a stranger within myself. Trying to live up to everyone else’s expectation and I lost myself in it” She says, I felt terrible for her. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be responsible for not just a pack but every pack, while trying to raise her kids and be a good mate. It would be too much.
“Everyone has a breaking point, Kat. But when you reach it, you just have to remember to toss the broken pieces away. Don’t let the sharpness of them cut you to pieces, don’t worry about what you can’t change or fix. Focus on the things that matter, what’s right in front of you. Anger and hate is a heavy thing to carry, it does the carrier more damage”
Kat laughs and her face turns red. “I am sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, here I am moping about being Queen and a mother when you had to fight for your son, had been put through the worst situations ever and I am here whining about my protected childhood and having to be an adult” She laughs, shaking her head.
“You don’t need to apologise Kat, your feelings aren’t invalid and you can’t imagine what I have been through just like I can’t imagine what you have been through, or the pressures on you. I count myself pretty lucky, despite everything. I would go through it all again just to be here, right now. God only knows if I would have found Jonah or Andrei if it didn’t have that life, so as much as it sucked I came out of it with two people I couldn’t imagine living without” I tell her.
“You ever wonder what your life would be like if the one thing that changed everything didn’t happen?” Kat asks.
“Everyday, I always wonder about the what ifs. What if I didn’t convince my family to go to Flower Meadows? But you know what? It happened, I survived it and I got my life back. A better one and I realise what happened was on them, not me. What they did is on them and nothing I could have or should have done would change it. Sometimes fate has a funny way of showing us how much one can endure but once you endure it, you realise nothing will break you, except yourself. You will realise that kat, one day you will wake up and the weight on your shoulders won’t feel so heavy, it won’t feel consuming and you will realise you can carry it, because you carried a weight so much heavier before and you are stronger because of it” I tell her while hopping up.
“Come on, I will make more coffee. Mateo is right with the kids and we can steal Andrei’s monte carlo biscuits he has hidden in the back of the pantry”
“I love Monte Carlo’s, ” Kat says with a groan.
“Yeah, Casen brought them over this morning to replace the ones he stole last night” I chuckled while walking out to the kitchen. Kat follows after me and I flick the kettle on.
“Thank you” Kat says and I nod to her.
“You can always talk to me, ” I tell her, grabbing some mugs down. Kat grabs the milk from the fridge and hands it to me. We were in the middle o f making coffee when nausea rolled over me, making my heart race and beat frantically in my chest. Sweat coated my forehead and my hands trembled.
“Get the kids” I shrieked, fighting down the urge to throw up as I tore off out of the house. Rushing out of the house, I see rogues running in from every direction. My scream is loud and bounces off the trees as well as through the mindlink as I screamed for Andrei.
I look for Jonah and the kids spotting them both in the tree, Mateo’s grey wolf fending off rogues as they come out of nowhere and everywhere. Our pack ran from the houses and treeline trying to help Mateo as Eziah started crying under the tree where he sat. Shifting I jump into the fray, racing towards where the kids are.
“Get the kids to the packhouse and lock it down” I rush through the mindlink as Sierra sinks her teeth into a brown blotchy coloured wolf. Kat races toward Eziah but is tackled at the last second, her wolf skidding across the ground when it sinks its teeth into her neck forcing her to shift back. Her naked body was tossed and Mateo’s wolf whimpered but he was the only thing standing in the way of the wolves getting to his son as I tried to get to his position. Sierra kills a wolf as our warriors start taking them down, but there were so many, they came out of nowhere and seemed to have no end as they kept zipping out of the trees toward us.
Being jumped from behind, I am shoved forward face planting the ground, Sierra turns quickly snapping at anything that comes into reach when Kat barges into me. Kicking another wolf in the head as it tried to get me from my blindspot. Her entire body saturated in blood and her neck was bleeding profusely as she continued fighting, trying to get to her son and the boys. Mateo is suddenly jumped by three wolves and he kills one quickly before the other two pounce on him and knock him down. One of them ripped into his flank viciously. Sierra charges toward them and she tackles one off the top of him tearing into its neck.
Looking up into a tree Jonah and Kyan were perched on a branch both looking petrified, I see Kat get to the tree and Sierra biting and clawing at anything that attacks when I hear Kat tell the boys to jump. I didn’t have time to look to see if she needed help as I felt teeth sink into my tail,
ripping me back, claws digging deeply into my ribs and scratching down my hip.
“Andrei! ” I scream through the link, needing them to get here before we all end up dead. We were outnumbered five to one easily and they just didn’t stop coming. I see Jonah out of the corner of my eye jump into Kat’s arms and Kyan, both of them running toward the packhouse and to safety.
I was running towards them when Kat started to scream .
“No, no, no, not now” She screams, making me look at her. She had Eziah in her arms when she suddenly vanished, disappearing into thin air. I didn’t have time to think much of it when I was smashed from the side. Gun fire rings out before I hear someone scream. “Grenades!”