Fated To The Alpha by Jessica Hall Chapter 147
“ Sage please wait” I called out to her as she took off, though I was surprised that instead of taking off for the forest she was actually going home back to the pack house. When I first brought her outside I was a little worried she would run and she looked like she would when I brought her closer to the forest.
I catch up to her, easily falling in line with her. “ Look I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak you out” I tell her reaching for her hand and am surprised when she doesn’t pull away.
“Why are you apologizing? I marked you not the other way around” She says, her cheeks turning red. Was she embarrassed or angry, both? It was so hard to tell with her sometimes, she was so hot and then cold the next. I knew it wasn’t her fault and if roles were reversed I wouldn’t trust me either. Her vibes suggested she was ticked off but the blush on her cheeks made me think otherwise when she wouldn’t meet my gaze, her eyes staring straight ahead and she actually led me back to the packhouse stopping next to the door.
“What did Donnie do to Sierra?” She asked and I felt bile rise in my throat. I let her hand go and placed my hand on the scanner, preferring to have this conversation inside at least she couldn’t escape me.
The door opens and I place my hand on her lower back giving her a little push but she doesn’t move, instead folding her arms across her chest and glaring at me defiantly, I was shocked she is so timid but she clearly didn’t like that I upset her wolf, finding it funny she was so protective of her wolf when they are technically the same person yet the first place she turns to is her wolf form when she is petrified of me but now she was demanding I tell her.
“I will tell you but inside please”
“Why can’t you tell me out here?” She says her tone is sharp. I fought the urge to smile as much as it irritated me, her wolf may fear me at the moment but it was clear the bond was working because no matter how terrified she was of us she looked quite firm now and unafraid. Deciding not to lie to her I tell her.
“Because I worry you will try and run when I tell you, she took it the wrong way, please just come inside Sage” I ask her motioning for the door, but my words must have made her uneasy as she stared at the door before looking back at me. She swallows now wondering if it is a good idea to go inside but she hesitates a moment before stepping inside. I leave the door open deciding to see if she would run, maybe if she doesn’t feel like a prisoner the temptation to leave will leave her when she realizes she can walk out the door anytime. She looks at it as I walk past her.
“You’re not going to close it?” She says, making me stop and turn to look at her but she was closing the door before she turned around, her fear wafting to me which confused me because she was the one shutting the door.
“I think she fears what’s outside more” Donnie tells me just as she turns around to face me. She looks at me nervously and I watch her.
“You could have left it open” I tell her but she shakes her head.
“What if someone got in”
“Someone or one of my pack members?” “Anyone” She whispers so low I barely heard her.
“Anyone or other men?” I ask her knowing the answer but I wanted her to acknowledge the fact she just locked herself in the house with me.
“You wont hurt me, well you don’t want to anyway” She whispers.
“My pack won’t hurt you, they aren’t monsters Sage, Zane hasn’t hurt you”
“No but he says weird things” She states, making my brows furrow.
“Like what?” I ask her. She shrugs before answering, stepping closer, she can’t fear my Beta. I know Zane would never harm her and is already protective over her, he knows a pack needs a Luna.
“ I don’t know, it’s like he wants me to fear you” She says and I ponder her words.
“What sort of things does he say that bothered you?” I ask her.
“Nothing really, just that I shouldn’t upset you” She answers and I sigh. He is talking about Angie. I loved Angie and I still love her and probably always will, but she liked pushing my buttons but she grew up differently then I did. Woman didn’t have much say in my pack but now I would do anything to have her attitude and rage back just to hear her voice again. Yet losing her brought me Sage and I won’t make those mistakes again.
“Angie upset me a lot and liked to get under my skin” I chuckle remembering she would
challenge me on everything, everything she had an opinion on but I know she was raised to be a strong independent woman and looking at Sage she was the complete opposite. Sage was timid and frightened and knew nothing but pain. She was suppressed not only by those that harmed her but also herself, ruled by her fear and I didn’t want her to fear me or anything. I wanted her to know she would always be kept safe with me.
“You hurt her then?” She asks, chewing her fingernail. I shake my head.
“No of course not but the day she died we had a fight, so I thought I would teach her a lesson for trying to overrule me and locked her in the packhouse with my Beta. She was causing quite a stir with the other she-wolves and they were going against their mates. So I thought if I punished her by locking her up they would back down”
“Did they?” She asks.
“No, Angie was right and then they died because of my belief that that’s how things were run, maybe if I listened they may have stood a chance”
“What do you mean?” She asks curiously, it felt weird talking about Angie but I could see Sage was curious about her and what sort of woman she was.
“Angie was the only girl in her family and grew up with five brothers, she was raised to be strong, strong like her brothers, trained and independent. She didn’t like that I wouldn’t let the she-wolves train, I didn’t think it was necessary and Angie loved training, she came to training one morning and I told her to leave, that it was no place for she-wolves and she of course refused and said she would challenge anyone who dared tell her she wasn’t good enough, she challenged Zane” I tell her.
“Did she win?” Sage asks, her eyes burning brighter and I smile at her liking the eagerness in her eyes.
“Yes, barely but she had a point to prove and she proved it, though I think Zane let her win because he liked her, liked that she challenged me. My father said it would cause an uprising but he welcomed it and said times changed and that a lot of the elders of the pack were outdated. But when the other she-wolves started challenging their mates and refusing their chores wanting to work and train like the men, it caused issues so I was stuck. I had my men wanting me to refuse them. My father wanted me to do as Angie asked and I was
mad so I locked her up for causing trouble. My father hated the way it was run too, said we should take note of the way other packs run things how they do, we ran it like that because a lot of the pack members were older and that’s how they liked things. My father didn’t agree but it
kept the peace. So I decided to lock her up, telling my pack members that no matter what status
there would be punishment for causing trouble within the pack. I locked her up to stop the protests while I visited my sister planning on sorting out training for the woman when I got back”
“So you were going to agree?” She asks and I nod.
“I thought I would handle it when I got home and let her start training the woman to give her something to do, but I never got that chance” I tell her taking a breath, she had moved closer and I could see her hesitate like she didn’t know whether to comfort me or slap me for my stupidity.
“ I came home to find all our women dead. Our children, the elders. If only I had started training our women to be warriors all along they would have fought back but yet all they could do was run. My father was basically the only one at the pack with training besides my Beta and Angie, they never stood a chance”
“Angie sounds like a true Luna, strong” She whispers and I could see she meant her words but it also upset her, she was the opposite to Angie and she knew it. I grip her chin between my fingers tilting her face up.
“And you will be just as strong, stronger. I will make you the Luna you were born to be, no one lives through what you did and survives if they are weak, you are stronger than you know, a bigger warrior then half my men to survive what you did and still be able to keep on living” I tell her. Her brows furrowed and I know she doesn’t feel strong, she feels weak and breakable.
“And soon you will be kicking my ass on the training field” I tell her, and she chuckles softly, shaking her head. She looked different and I realized it was the first time I heard her laugh.
“That’s wishful thinking, ” She says.
“Come on” I tell her tugging her toward the kitchen, she follows before stopping at the basement door and staring at it.
“ Is the person still alive?” She asks, I swallow and shake my head, pulling her away from the door and into the kitchen.
“Why?” She asks as I grab some bottles of water from the fridge and hand one to her.
“Why what? Why did I kill him?” I ask her. She nods trying to unscrew the cap on the water bottle. I watch her struggle with it, amused before she goes to set it down on the bench but I take it from her twisting the cap off and handing it to her.
“I couldn’t very well leave him alive after what I did to him” I tell her and she looks away, her eyes darkening like she doesn’t agree.
“Why do you like killing them?” She asks, turning to look at me. I say nothing, not wanting to lie to her but that isn’t my only reason for killing them, I need to find their hideout.
“If I wasn’t your mate would you have killed me?”
“No” I tell her but she doesn’t look convinced. “No? But I am a rogue” She states.
“You’re also a woman” I tell her and her brows furrow.
“Why are men different?” She asks but I have no answer for her. They just are, they stand a chance against me. A woman wouldn’t and it would feel wrong to kill a woman.
“I don’t know” I tell her truthfully.
“Then why kill them, Sierra said she heard you say all the rogues should die, that you killed him and she could hear that you were enjoying it, that it turned you on, that you want to hurt me” She says not sure of the words leaving her lips. Donnie had fallen silent and I could feel his guilt.
“Do you want to hurt me?” She asks.
“No, not in that way Sage, not like the rogues”
“But you still want to hurt me?” She asked and I could see her confusion.
“No, I would never hurt you. She just took something I said out of context”
“I don’t understand?” She mutters, though I could see she was trying to understand, wanting to but it also scared her.
“Donnie didn’t realise the link was open, the Rogue said something and I replied but she took i t wrong and freaked out blocking him out before he could explain” I tell her, I would never do anything to harm her, not after seeing the way they kept her. I wouldn’t trigger her like that.
“Then what did you mean?” She asks curiously.
“It doesn’t matter, but I would never do anything that would bring you harm Sage” She chews her lip trying to figure out if she should trust me.
“I don’t like you killing them, or hurting them” She says softly.
“I can’t promise I won’t Sage and you can’t ask that of me when you don’t understand what is going on, I have no choice. I need answers but I promise I have reason for it”
“But you all so enjoy it, causing them pain I mean?”
“I won’t lie to you, so yes it helps me sleep ” I tell her knowing how f*cked up that sounded. She looks appalled but says nothing, her eyes darting to my neck. She looked at my mark and her eyes flicker and I couldn’t tell if she was angry about marking me or if she blamed me for it, yet I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy she did even if it was by accident.
“Are you going to mark me now because I marked you?” She asks and I could smell her fear perfuming the room, she was more scared of me marking her then me admitting I liked killing the rogues. Is that what she was worried about?
“Only when you ask me to and not before ” I tell her and she lets out a breath looking relieved.
“You should shower, you have grass in your hair and mud” I tell her walking over to the kitchen sink. I went to wash my hands so I could make lunch but she was still standing there looking unsure.
“What’s wrong Sage?”
“Nothing, nevermind” She says her blush returning and she looks away about to rush out and away from me. My lips tug up, whatever she wanted she was too embarrassed to ask.
“Sage?” I ask quickly, gripping her hand and stopping her from running from me.
“What is wrong?” I ask her and her cheeks burn hotter as she looks up at me before looking away.
“She wants you to shower with her. She was too embarrassed to ask” Donnie says, surprising me.
“She wants us to?” I ask him yet Sage wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“Yes, Sierra told me” He says, at least she has stopped blocking him, but her mood shifts were giving me whiplash, one second petrified of me the next wanting me near.
“The bond is confusing her, she doesn’t know what she wants” Donnie tells me.
“Come on, let’s shower” I tell her to see if she refuses but instead her eyes light up before she nods, stepping closer and letting me drape my arm across her shoulders and I pull her closer, her hands going to my chest as I inhale her scent as I press my face into her neck.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed about wanting me near or wanting to touch me Sage. I am yours, I wouldn’t have said no” I tell her. Yet in a way I could see how wanting that would scare her knowing her past, it would feel weird seeking out contact when the only thing she ever got from it was pain and fear, so yes I could understand her hesitance to ask now that Donnie pointed it out. I tug her out of the kitchen heading upstairs to the bathroom, loving the feel of her so close and her scent invading my senses.